I've looked up to my sister my entire life. A combination of her age (6 years older), intelligence and maturity equaled someone I could use as a role model. That isn't to say I always or even often followed her path, but still I like to think I learned some things from her. One big learning was how she handled her relationship with my now brother-in-law. For her and Buck it has always been about equality. They are equal partners on the day to day decisions, but also on the important things like where to live and how to parent. And the best thing about the equality is that it seems to come natural to them. It doesn't even seem like something they have to work at, but rather comes from the fact that they respect each enough to treat each other a equals. I know that might sound simple and expected, but there are plenty of other relationship examples that don't seem to have this base.
I've learned from them and would like to think that M and I have a similar relationship. Again we don't always have the same interests as my sister and brother-in-law, but as I age I think I can recognize and appreciate the similarities that we do have. Also, (and don't think this is a small thing) I enjoy hanging out with them. In many I still look up to my sister and now my brother-in-law as people that have experienced things that I probably will be experiencing soon.
The reason I am writing about both of this is that it is anniversary week. For my sister and brother-in-law it was their 10 year anniversary. For M and I we have our 2nd year anniversary tomorrow. This is kind of a strange anniversary for us because we still haven't settled down. As any regular reader of my blog knows (or pretty much anyone who talks to me) we don't have a house yet and are still living with Mary's parents. This has been a better experience than expected, but it is still something I am looking forward to ending as soon as our house is ready. I enjoy living with M and want to start our life in our new house.
For their anniversary my sister and brother-in-law have a tradition of writing a "state of the union" letter to each other. I'm not going to do that here. 1) It's their tradition. 2) It would be something to be shared with M alone and not in a public forum. I will say that I am happy with how everything is going. One of my good friends told me that she thought the decision to get married would provide a lot of relief and clarity to my life. She talked about how her husband kind of chalked it up as "well, I've made that decision and just move on." I liked that viewpoint in that it means that there is no more analysis and not coincidentally that provides more time to relax. I can just enjoy being married. I no longer have to worry about whether or not so and so likes me or about who pays for dates or the other questions that seem so daunting in retrospect.
Now with 2 years under the belt it is fun to look ahead to see how we will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary. Will their be kids? Will there be job changes? More importantly - do you think our house will finally be finished by then?
Whatever the answers, I am happy to have M by my side. Happy Anniversary.